I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
