I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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