so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
