I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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