wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
