So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
