i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
