My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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