we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
