Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I love you.
Bad choice
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
