I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
