Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
