You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
we're so committed to being not committed
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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