Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
