if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You made out with two different species that night
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.