Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
Just dont open the beer drawer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.