I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.