MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes