I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
