If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
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