if i can run in heels then i can drive
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
