if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
