Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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