I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
