we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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