dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
