I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
