i just wanna soil my oats bro
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
