Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
