cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
