I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
