If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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