I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
