she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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