How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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