i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
