Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
