i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
