I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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