just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
