what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
