Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
