just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
