ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
