so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
