who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
