Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
