No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
