please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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