Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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