I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
