help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
