I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
