What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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