there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
