Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
