Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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