but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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