if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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