We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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