He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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