im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
