3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
