I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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