We're facebook friends in real life
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
