I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize