dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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