He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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