You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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