Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
