this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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