super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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