evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
