he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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