Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
not ubering you a puppy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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