Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
