PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
