as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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