She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
