I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
