I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
