Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
