His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
