I'm sorry my penis didn't work
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Randomize
