I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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