There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
