I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
