Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Houston, we have a squirter
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
