The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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