does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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