dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
and you fell through a lawn chair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize