I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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