I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The ass gains better be worth it
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