the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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